Everyone has a story – a story to tell, to share, to experience. You, Mama, have a birthing story, or you will soon. Because for us mamas we each have one: a story that is so uniquely one of a kind, and yet something so beautifully in common with all other mamas that it resonates through all time and all ages, uniting and binding you and me and together with all the mamas who’ve come before us, who birth with us, and who come after us. And hopefully, even in just a small way, we find a sense of strength, beauty, and empowerment in our story of how our baby was born and how we, too, as mamas were born. You have a story, and I hope you share it just as I’d like to share my story with you.
Once upon a time, I didn’t want to be a mother. Nope. I didn’t want to be pregnant, or birth, or have my body changed in ways I couldn’t control or didn’t understand. But… people change, you know! And eventually I didn’t care about all that – I wanted a baby more than anything in the world! A child to hold and tuck in and call me, “Mommy.” So over the next 5 years, my husband and I tried on our own, had surgery that helped, and finally got pregnant, only to lose our precious much-hoped for baby to miscarriage. Thankfully we got pregnant again right away and I was so thankful for another chance to meet one of my children.
Physically my pregnancy was very easy and that was great considering I was 35 years old. Yet there were challenges that came in other ways. Mentally and emotionally, I was wrought with fear and anxiety. When I finally started seeing a counselor after a nervous breakdown, I began realizing how my childhood sexual abuse was affecting me and my ability to enjoy being pregnant and looking forward to birthing. I spent many, many days longing for my son to be here and yet at the same time just wanting to stay pregnant forever because then I wouldn’t have to face my greatest fear – giving birth – and risking being re-traumatized and reliving my abuse experiences.
